Alone and Awesome

Being single, silly, and secure

When One Cannot Sleep

♦ October 20, 2019 ♦ Leave a comment

Good evening, my night-sleeping peoples. While you’re curled up in bed, drifting off to sleep, I am wide awake against my will. I work night shift now, so even though I want to sleep, my body has adjusted to being awake at this time.

It kind of sucks, but there’s no point being upset. This is the way it is now.

There is something nice to this change. I was unhappy about being forced to work 3rd shift, and I’m not proud of how harsh I was to those who gave me the news. However, it turns out this had to have been God-ordained. I may need more time to adjust because I still get so tired I feel sick every night, but my anxiety is practically gone. The things that made me nervous, (office people, other departments, a busy parking lot) are no longer a factor. I have never worked a shift in this warehouse that has left me feeling peaceful.

For this, I thank God.

I was burned-out on 1st shift. The pressure on the workers is incredible. I know nothing lasts forever, and 3rd will probably experience pressure like this in the near future, but for the time being, I am glad I’m on 3rd. I have two good leaders, and the people aren’t bad either. Each morning I get 10 minutes to see my 1st shift friends, and sometimes I get to chat with people on 2nd shift too. I don’t feel threatened or panicked anymore.

Peace is wonderful…

The work is no less difficult. I’m driving a different type of forklift and that makes me nervous. The last thing I want is to crush product or bump into racks, (both of which do happen and alarm me).

But when I clock out I get to go home and sleep, which was a natural desire of mine while on 1st, but I always had to find energy to stay awake. I don’t have to do that anymore. I get to sleep. I love it.

I wonder why we complain when God is moving us against our will. It hurts, it’s scary, and we’re mad that we have to witness how little control we have over our lives. Things seem like they’re falling apart, but if we saw it through God’s eyes we would see that it is merely falling into place.

Nothing lasts forever…

I’m thankful for friends and family who keep in contact with me, who offer advice, and who simply listen. I’m thankful for their willingness to help me when things go wrong, and for their genuine love that reminds me to be a better person. I’ve been a mess lately with all the changes going on in my life, and still they’re there for me.

I mean, my truck broke down and I, like the rash person I am, bought a cheap little car to get me around while also buying the part for my truck. I am also making some huge changes in my life, which have me panicking and fearful, but also excited and hopeful. I’m such a mess I have trouble eating and I’m pretty sure my odd eating schedule has me gaining weight.

But I’m learning to calm down, because “it is finished.”

When Jesus said that on the cross, he was talking about all of it. Every problem I would face, every mistake I make, every event in my life—if I could see it through God’s eyes I would know the ending of it all, like he does. I would see for myself that It Is Finished. I don’t need to worry, because God already has prepared my future. If I follow his will things will go well, and if I don’t He will continue to lead me back to his will again and again and again.

As a Christian, I believe I can’t help but follow God’s will. But I have witnessed someone else stepping up to be the blessing when I hesitated, so if I don’t follow God I know His will shall be done either way, but I would much rather be the one to be the blessing.

That’s a post for another time though. A beast all on it’s own. So! For random sake, enjoy some of the best piano music ever! George Winston is terrific.

Well! My back is sore and I’m going to lay down and pray I can sleep. I hope all of you sleep well. Good night!

E. L. M.

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