Alone and Awesome

Being single, silly, and secure

The Stubborn Dreamer

Salutations, people who love, or hate, thunderstorms! The booming thunder above my head drowns out my music at times and both are delightful to listen to. I am one that loves thunderstorms, so I am currently happy with the weather.

My point today came about as I was thinking of my future. You see, I believe life can be more than we’re told and shown. People like me are referred to as, “Dreamers.” We are seen as the hopeless ones, or the inspirational ones. It’s a difficult life we lead, being a Dreamer.

dream·er
ˈdrēmər/
noun
  1. a person who dreams or is dreaming.
    • a person who is unpractical or idealistic.
      “a rebellious young dreamer”

So, as we can see, we don’t have a great reputation. However, is it not the Dreamers that guide us into new worlds? Who could have dreamed up a light bulb, or cars, or traveling to the moon? Our life may be hard, but that’s because we have to push against the criticism of the “real world” in order to bring our dreams to life.

If you’re a Dreamer that is determined to bring a new reality into this world, then you are in for one heck of a difficult life. One that perhaps even your closest friends and family will call you crazy for. Listen to their reasoning, but in your heart you will need to decide what it is you want your life to be like.

Now, I’m not suggesting you take a crazy leap into the unknown without thinking through the consequences. If it will have a bad effect on others in your life, like family members or close friends relying on you, then I would warn you to be extra cautious. However, if it is only on your head whether you sink or swim, then that is a different story.

Might I add, these are my own theories. I’ve been on the edge of taking a plunge into the unknown, but I was reminded that the plunge could land me into a chaos that would bring suffering on my sister and my two cats. So I have stepped back, and my rash steps have been redirected.

Let me explain one thing…

As a follower of Christ I believe that all things are possible through Christ who strengthens me. “With God all things are possible.” This is what I believe, and why I was prepared to jump into uncertainty. I was sure God would help me through it, but I misinterpreted my own ideas. The reason I was determined to take this jump was because I am not one who faces conflict.

I am an escape artists.

When faced with something I do not like, I try to slither out of it. I escape. I run away. I avoid it at all costs. Now, there have been frustrations at my job that are making me uncomfortable. People I don’t like keep adding up and I’m drained of energy every day. These are things I desire to escape.

So, I convinced myself I was “Trusting God” by jumping into the unknown, but in reality I was running away from a lesson He is trying to reveal to me. A lesson I’ve been purposefully avoiding because of how difficult it is.

“Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Now, how difficult is that?? Especially when my “neighbor” is a bunch of lazy people and people who rub me the wrong way just by watching me work, (I really hate it when people watch me work! I’m all like, “Didn’t your mother ever teach you that staring is rude???” But of course, being at work, I say nothing. However… I do make very cold expressions when I catch someone watching me).

All that aside, I’ve accepted that I am where I have to be in order to learn how to manage my time better and to love some of the most unlovable people I’ve ever met.

It has now been a week since I started this post. I never do this, but I am continuing. You see, today was Saturday and I had to work, (long weeks really suck). I was stuck in a small sort area in the factory and one of the people I did not get along with stopped at the end of the day and spoke to me as if he had no hard feelings about how cold I’ve been to him and the others. There are also people who don’t seem to mind my cold mood.

It made me think, which is dangerous for me. Maybe people don’t hate me like I think they do. I remember a pastor talking about how we needed to trust that people were good, because even though the world is bad, it’s not all bad. There are good people and they, like me, are masked under our insecurities, pain, and fear. We avoid one another, not knowing that maybe, just maybe, we could get along.

And this, my dear readers, is why I am sure God has me where I’m at for a reason. I’m going through a very painful time of life—grief, depression, and chasing the wind. I want to run away, but that does not seem to be an option.

It is in the difficult place where you will learn to grow. The dirt I’m digging through will break way to sunlight eventually. It may be a long and difficult path, and I know I’ll lose my way plenty.

I think it will be worth it.
I hope it will be worth it…

I just now realized I am a very judgmental person.
Something else to work on, I guess…

You know, the funny thing here is that when I started this post last week there was a thunderstorm. And now, as I’m finishing it, it’s raining and a thunderstorm is rolling in.

I really love thunderstorms…

*sigh*

Have a good weekend, dear reader.

E.L.M.

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