Good morning, dearest and loveliest of peoples!
I’ll be honest with you, I have no idea what this post will be about. I felt I needed to post something for someone out there, so let’s see what words end up plastered to this blog as my weary mind wanders through the past weeks, (and I am VERY weary).
Sometimes, things happen that have a great effect on you. Small things tend to do a lot to change a person’s outlook on life while big things change a life. Right now, let’s look at small things and their effect…
The other day, my sister and I were driving home, and ahead of us we saw a heart-shaped balloon rise from the street and fly away. We both cried out “Noooo!” Since we knew the weirdly horrible grief of losing a balloon to the sky, but to me, the fact that it was a heart held great significance and I watched it until it vanished from my sight. My own heart felt puzzled as I wondered if God wanted my sister and I to witness this moment for a reason. It was so strange.
Why a heart-shaped balloon?
Why would it happen to break free when we were within sight?
Why did I have time to watch it for so long?
Life is strange as this little phenomenon…
We all have memories of small things that had a great effect on us. Sometimes the memories fade, but the lesson we learned lingers forever. In the back of our minds, we remember the little things. The moments that made us smile, or think, or cry…
Then there are the big things.
I recently was promoted to 2nd kyu, (second to last color rank in our system). And when my Sensei, (teacher), told me it was well-deserved I felt filled with happiness from the depths of my soul. I look forward to learning more and forming myself into a stronger and wiser human being. I feel so close…
Despite all that, I do sit and acknowledge my childish thoughts and immature ways. I can’t help it, I haven’t experienced enough to be as wise as I want to be. I know my future holds mistakes for me to make and learn from, and there will be times I fight the lesson and refuse to learn it, and times when I don’t want to get back up after I fall. But my life is still ahead of me.
With all the overtime I’ve been on at work I tend to go home and crash, then get up for supper and after that I get ready to go to bed. I haven’t had time or energy to advance who I am. I’ve merely been surviving these past few weeks and it is now driving me crazy. When I’m driving home I try to think of things to do when I get home, but my eyelids are already heavy and I feel dizzy with exhaustion, so I know the rest is needed, and it bothers me because I have so much I want to accomplish!
Is this wrong?
Am I missing something?
Is God using this time for something?
Well, yes… He uses all things for the good of those that love Him, and I do dearly love Him for all He’s done for me. I feel hollow when I wake from my daytime crashes and find it is already 5:00 and I’ve not accomplished anything.
I haven’t had time to write, to practice karate, to draw, or to advertise my publishing company, (You can find my website Here). I have only had time to survive, but I’m not living.
What is it like to live for real? To take the days by storm and make time count. I tell people I am a master of wasting time, but that’s because I enjoy sitting in solace and peacefully meditating on my surroundings. I’ve not even had time to do this, which is probably why my mind feels scrambled lately. I am unorganized and my dreams are in shards that I keep cutting myself on. I feel like I’ll never get this mess put back together.
Some days I wonder if I have too many dreams…
The weekends renew my hope though. I get a good night sleep and have a tranquil morning before setting about my daily chores. I can accomplish stuff in these next two days, but the rest of the week it is getting harder to find time to live…
Oh well, I am sure it will sort itself out eventually. Either I’ll crash and burn and have to be rebuilt from the ashes, or I’ll find balance and learn how to keep moving when my body yearns to sleep.
We shall see…
Well, all this aside—I hope you each have a fantastic day and a great weekend!
Talk to you again later.