Good snowy morning, my fine word reading peoples!
Lately I’ve been working lots of hours, dealing with long weeks, and having few hours to myself to get done the things I need to do. I cram my days off with lists of things I need to do, (clean house, do laundry, shop, prep my meals for the week, etc.), and then I’m beat and have to get ready for work all over again.
It’s pretty exhausting, really. And tomorrow my truck goes in for repairs so that’s just the icing on the cake.
The stress cake.
A cake made of stress…
Anyway, back on topic. I have a big month coming up, and I need to make time to practice for it. I find the time, but when I’m done practicing it’s already late and I have to get ready for bed. I also have more responsibilities at the dojo, and self-defense classes, and lots of other things mixed into my days that require my full attention. I try to give it all the focus it needs, but I find my mind is getting scattered. I am also running low on time to deal with my writing career.
You see, I have a book that is getting ready for publication, and I know it will be an incredible story, (when it’s published I may add links to it on this site. It will also be available on my website—the link to which is at the bottom of all my posts and I hope some, if not all of you will take time to check it out. It. Is. Awesome!). But since my time is being absorbed by work, and work, and more work, I haven’t had time to go into the editing stage of the proofing, and there are minor things that need to be fixed on the cover…
Bah! You see? Crazy! Stress cake with a side of anxiety. I have goals and deadlines racing towards me, things I need to at least try to be ready for, and obligations popping up everywhere and I find I’m clinging to my sanity more than ever. I also keep forgetting important things, like my taxes need to get done and there are important letters I need to address before the month is up.
With a moment of peace, I know I’m not the only one getting thrown around in the stressful chaos of life. Seasons like this will always come and go. Things like jobs and obligations tend to pile up around the same days and you struggle to manage the time properly. It’s no surprise I have to take power naps and then find my own motivation to get back up and keep going.
To think about it, I can admire myself a little—and that’s saying a lot because despite what people say about me, I find it hard to believe I could ever be a leader or even a person to admire. I am not good at juggling responsibility, nor am I good at getting my “to-do” list done. I also have a hard time finding “me” time to slow down, relax, and take a minute to just admire the life around me and dwell on how far I’ve come.
I have come a long way from the little girl I was…
I believe time like this isn’t only necessary, it’s sometimes priority. I’m not good at slowing down. If I stop moving I kick myself and tell myself I need to be doing something productive or I’m wasting my life. But what good is life if you stress out every hour trying to form a dream that takes years to accomplish? Yes, every effort counts, but what good is it if I kill my happiness in the process?
I have started to stop myself. I stop. I make coffee, or cocoa, or perhaps a glass of wine, and I sit on the couch, pet my cat, and watch the wall as I contemplate how good my life is. It is a good life. I am blessed.
These small moments help me find my center and remind me that I need to take care of myself—physically, mentally, and spiritually. I need to give myself a pat on the back, remind myself I’m doing a good job, and then, the hard part, believe myself when I say those nice things about me.
We tend to beat ourselves down and try to say we’re not good enough as a way of motivation, but it doesn’t motivate us—if anything, it makes us find it harder to do what needs to be done. When I say, “I’m managing this life pretty well,” I need to believe it, because if I don’t, then I won’t believe others when they say the same thing. It all comes back to how I treat myself, how I talk to myself, and how I live my life.
Some people are in a position where they can try to rely on others to tell them they’re doing well, or to motivate them. I am not in such a position. Being an introvert, and having random bouts of social anxiety means I need to learn to self-motivate.
Thankfully, I have a wonderful family that encourages me, and a handful of wise/crazy friends I keep close, (and through these friends I am learning how to BE a friend. That story is for another time, but you see, I’ve been hurt more than I realized. I tucked it away and ignored it, and in doing so never knew why I reacted the way I did to things that upset me. I am discovering things about myself through these few friendships, and so I am learning to be a friend. I guess I’ll call it therapy. Unintentional Therapy).
Life will always be hard.
If it’s easy, then I doubt you’ll be happy with that for long. We need challenges to grow and become leaders, parents, families, and friends.
Or maybe I’m wrong?
Well, I have a lot of work to get done today. This was a pretty short post, but I just wanted to contact you again to show I’m still alive and kicking. I hope you are all doing well.
Bye for now!
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