Alone and Awesome

Being single, silly, and secure

Too Many Words

Well, good day once again, my fine blog loving peoples.

I am mellowed out a little today. Not being able to drink coffee from noon to night is rather upsetting, but I suppose it’s a good change for my heart to not be forced to deal with all the caffeine rushing through my blood. I’m instead able to focus on things I need to do, and my mind feels a little clearer as well. I rather like this, but at the same time I miss eating whatever I want, (to those who missed the update, I have braces on my teeth so I am now on some kind of forced diet to keep them intact and clean).

Now where was I…?

Oh yes! My mind is clearer, and this sometimes becomes a problem for me because I begin to ponder things long and deep and want to speak of it, but know few people who have time to listen to my thoughts. I also want to post on Facebook about my thoughts, but there is not enough space and I risk starting some weird argument that has nothing to do with my thoughts.

My mind is, in general, a random spiral of chaos that makes the 10×10 rubix cube look like a 2×2 rubix cube! (Go ahead and Google that if you don’t understand. Don’t worry, I’ll wait here).

Chaos, yes… Now that we’re on the same page, I am going to spew my thoughts all over this post and see where we end up. I have no desired goal as I enter this post, so hold on, my beloved peoples.

February 1st, 2017 ~ Wednesday.

I took the entire day off, just because my appointment was so oddly places there was no reason to go to work and then leave, or to show up later in the day. Odd hours, and so, I took the whole day off so not to deal with the worry of it all. I went to the orthodontist alone, which I prefer to do for most things, (besides grocery shopping. For some reason I like having company when I buy food. Or clothing. Clothing too…). I didn’t have to wait long before my name was called and I was escorted to the back where I sank into an uncommonly comfortable chair. Like sitting in a marshmallow it was!

Despite the chair, I was uncomfortable. First my teeth were polished and then I had to wear weird plastic stuff in my mouth, (and two patches that obsorbed the saliva on my cheeks), to keep my cheeks from touching my teeth. My teeth had to be entirely dry for the braces glue to stick. It was uncomfortable as heck and the suction thing under my tongue stabbed me from time to time, but I didn’t complain. I kept thinking over and over again, “It’ll be over soon, no worries. It’ll be over soon, no worries.” I also did meditative breathing and kept my eyes shut so not to make the doctor uncomfortable in any way. It didn’t hurt, and I wasn’t numbed up or anything for it. There was just a lot of pressure and weird tastes, as you’d expect from all the stuff getting put in my mouth.

So, when it was over I got a goody bag and explanation of how to take care of the braces. At first it was a comfortable feeling in my mouth, but then the pressure grew worse and turned to pain and I was wallowing on the couch eating ice cream and wondering if all this was worth it.

I ask myself that a lot lately…

… is all this worth it…?

People tell me it is. “Your teeth won’t give you problems in the future,” “It’ll adjust your bite so you can chew food properly,” “It may help your TMJ, ( temporomandibular joint) problems.”

I can agree with them—the braces are a good idea. Despite how long I’ll have to wear them and whatever the ending product may be, I don’t regret this choice. However, there are many other things I ask this question about. Things I don’t often wonder “is it worth it,” in front of people.

In my quite time, (which I have a lot of mind you), I sit back and watch the world. I watch my neighbors, I watch strangers walking down the street, I watch the news, I watch the insults and slander on Facebook, and I also watch my friends at work. I wonder… why do they do what they do…?

Do they feel like whatever they’re doing is worth it? Is it worth taking their limited time, which is already so thinly stretched…? I can sit and watch and feel calm, since I know my life is secure in Jesus Christ and his promise of eternal life, but I still wonder who doesn’t know this peace. I wonder how you can move on and live each day with the fear of death hanging over your head.

What is it like to have no idea what will happen when you breathe your last…?

I have been a Believer in Jesus Christ since I was a child. I was raised this way, so I always knew I’d go to heaven, but in the past three years I met God personally and so my view of it has changed—yet I have never faced the fear of what would happen if I died with no hope of an afterlife.

And why do we hope for an afterlife? It’s no wonder there are so many religions. People are scared and willing to jump on any idea that could give them the afterlife, (and current life), that they desire.  Religions are being made all over the place to fit certain needs, ideas, and outcomes. Some of them are insane, and others are even crazier. Some are dark, and others are too light to be taken seriously, yet they were made my people who wanted to have hope in where they went when they died.

Without hope there’s fear.

And fear is a dangerous weapon…

I suppose I’ve spoke of this a lot—my desire to bring hope to people. I don’t like seeing sad eyes. A lot of people have sad eyes and don’t even know it. I watch these people and wish so hard I knew what to say to bring them peace and open their eyes to the hope that I have.

If only I could share my hope.

I don’t want to change the people I know! They are who they are because that’s who they are. The same to you, dear reader. There is nothing wrong with you. You’re who you are and I don’t want to change you, I just want you to know the same calming peace of mind I know.

It’s a puzzle… why do we fear to speak out and bring hope to people…? Why do I find it so hard to ask a simple question to find out what’s really going on in my dear friend’s life…?

This song came to mind while I was writing this post: Forever Reign.

I’m running out of steam. I suppose I didn’t get through as many words as I wanted to tonight. We shall see what happens later, though. I’ll come back, and maybe write a Part Two of “Too Many Words.”

It’s evening now over here, and I hope I have time left to do what I need to.

Isn’t it strange how busy life tends to be? We can hardly say what it is we need to do, but we feel busy all the time.

We need to slow down, so that’s what I’m going to do.

Slow down…


Have a good evening, my peoples.



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