Alone and Awesome

Being single, silly, and secure

Welcome—2017

Good day, my peoples from all over!

I also greet ye, new followers and friends. It is nice to know more people are interested in my ramblings. Thank you for your presence! And, as I said once before, feel free to comment and ask questions whenever you wish.

So, I have been absent for a tiny while—thank the holidays and crazy overtime at work for that!

Today is my only free day before running back into the chaos of work. I’m sure a lot of you can understand. In perspective, nine hour weekdays and eight hour Saturdays aren’t that bad. At least it pays for my home and food and car repairs. I’m thankful; very thankful, I just wish I didn’t come home exhausted and sleep for two hours after work.

*sigh*

I don’t enjoy wasting time while sleeping. Naps are a huge waste of time to someone like myself who has a lot I want to get done in a day. Priorities like work, Shinsei Hapkido, and church come before everything else, so I made a schedule to place aside time for every thing I want to get done. A little every day—no less than thirty minutes and no more than an hour— and I can see myself advancing bit by bit in everything I am perusing.

It’s incredible, really. But then I have nine hour days at work and I sleep when I get home and have no time to even follow my schedule! It’s painful how lazy I get when I’m tired from work. I don’t want to push myself too hard and break myself, but napping as much as I have these past days is taking a toll on my studies.

“Time is a precious thing, never waste it.”

That is why I wake up at 7:00 on the weekends—so I can get done some stuff I want to get done, as well as things I need to do. I’m in the process of procrastinating house cleaning and dishes, which is why I’m blogging!

Oops… Confession of the day right there.

In the grand scheme of things it’s pretty awesome that I don’t have a husband or kids to worry about. On days off I have plenty of free time to get done what I need to get done. Isn’t it sad?

You: Sad? How is that sad!?
Me: How? How is it not sad!?
You: Uh, because you have all the time in the world to do what makes you happy…?
Me: Hmm… let me explain.

There is something we each do and I find it to be the most frustrating thing in the world.

We want. And want. And want more.

You see, we have plenty, but we want more. We want and wish and ask for more and more and as we receive we put it aside in the pile of blessings and hold out our hands for more. Again and again and again, but we’re never satisfied and never happy and NEVER content. We keep our hands out to God and this world and want more to be given to us until because we’re looking for what will make us happy!

So, why am I talking about this?

I went on a selfish-spree last month. I spent more money than I should have and bought whatever I wanted. It was the first time I could ever do this, and—I’ll be honest with you—it is the last time I hope I ever do that.

With each thing I bought I sat and looked at it, waiting to feel happy.

There was no happiness…

I went out and bought more stuff, looking to find happiness in the things of this world. This selfish-spree went on for two weeks and at the end I had a bunch of stuff that I simply sat and looked at with grim depression.

No happiness came to me. I wasted money I could have been spending on others who needed more than I. The selfishness I displayed to myself was eye-openings. After the last shopping trip of my selfish-spree I went home and filled a giant 33 gallon trash bag with things I didn’t need. After I got rid of them and went home looking for more things I didn’t need.

There was a saying I heard when I was younger from a radio series called “Jungle Jams and Friends the Radio Show,” (hopefully some of you know of this radio show. I still find it entertaining to listen to actually).

The saying/song I am referring to went as follows:

It seems to me
The more you have
The more you have to have
To take care of the things you have.

It’s true, isn’t it? When you buy one thing you need more things to take care of the thing you bought.

Thank you, Gruffy Bear, for the lesson well-learned at a young age…

I may seem weird to you, but let’s admit it—I am weird. It doesn’t matter though. It’s an important lesson people don’t learn anymore. “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” People have forgotten this. We want and complain more than ever before and throw fits when we don’t get what we wanted.

The love of giving was granted to me at a young age and for a while I let people take advantage of it. People will do that to you, no matter how nice they may be. People like me are taken advantage of a lot, so we need to learn to say no. It was quite a brutal trial that taught me to say no. Now, three years after learning the lesson, I found I have two friends I want to keep giving to, but one of them I felt was on the verge of taking advantage, so I withdrew my giving at once and became wary of the friend. The other friend is not in a position of need and so does not show any signs of taking advantage of me, but I placed myself in a position of caution either way.

Perhaps I’ve become stingy? It doesn’t matter. I learned to take care of myself first before I take care of others. “You cannot pour from an empty cup,” so look after yourself so you can be filled with enough goodness to share with others. I tend to wear myself out way before remembering to refill myself with goodness and peace.

Now I am still working on taking care of myself before others. I found that I need to always have others well being in mind or I feel empty. Being self-absorbed is a painful way to live… I can’t do it. I feel angry and hollow when I only care about myself and I don’t like it.

I’ll kick out my selfishness—to a point.

There is plenty I will still be selfish about, but that is for my own sanity and safety. I may explain what I mean, but not today. I took a break in writing this post to do the dishes and some yoga, so I’m feeling pretty good.

I hope you’re all enjoying 2017 so far. I know I am. I have a feeling it will get worse, but things always do.

How we react to the trials of our lives shows who we really are.

I hope I am made of something harder than pine wood… like maybe oak… hmm…

Have a happy new year, my peoples! I am glad you’re letting me spend another year with you.

Thank you again for following my blog!

E.L.M.

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