Alone and Awesome

Being single, silly, and secure

Best

Good evening, my peoples. I’m rather mellowed out tonight.

It is Friday evening. I don’t have work tomorrow. A wood-scent candle is burning. Snow is lightly falling outside. My toes are warm. The tiny Christmas tree is glowing.

And I stuffed myself full of yummy pizza and wings.

Yummy!

You know, when you find a moment of peace you need to sit there and enjoy it for a while. Sometimes a peaceful feeling comes over me for no reason and I just sit, (or stand), in that moment and wonder where this sensation came from. It took me up until three weeks ago to realize what it was.

Someone was praying for me.

You see, three weeks ago I had a string of bad moods. A lady at work, whom I rarely speak to and have little to nothing in common with, asked if I was alright. I told her the truth—sometimes being strong wears you out. This brought some tears. I was tired on the inside. Physically I had no issues, but my spirit was tired and I felt as if there was no one I could lean on.

She told me she understood, (which I knew she did because numerous times I’ve heard her on the phone during break and knew she was one to carry other’s burdens on her shoulders. This isn’t a healthy practice of ours, and is more destructive than helpful, but we tend to do it anyway. If I remember, I may come back to this point, but it is beside the fact, so for now I’ll leave it here).

She then told me she would be praying for me.

I thanked her and after that we went our separate ways. I already felt a little lighter in my heart. I went about my day and as I was putting something on a shelf I stopped, because a soft and glowing sensation passed through me. I paused and felt it wash over me in a way I’d never felt before. Commonly when I’m in a bad mood I never feel any good feelings like that. I try not to make eye-contact with the people that might make me smile and I keep my head down do not to risk glaring at someone by accident. But this was different.

1st, I was alone. There was no one around and no one speaking. Nothing for me to hear to make me smile. It was silent.
2nd, I was just working and thinking about the work. There was nothing to trigger the peace that randomly decided to settle over my heart and calm me for a few seconds.

I stood there feeling relieved for some reason, and then wondered why. It came to me that the lady who said she would pray for me must have been praying just then. Or perhaps someone else had been praying for me. Someone else who had seen my bad mood.

Maybe a lot of people were praying at the same moment to bring that peace about—Something only God could have ordained.

This happened another time just last week. We were slammed and the boxes I was putting away were surprisingly heavy. Suddenly the peace came over me and I looked up and prayed for the person praying for me.

I’m sure it’s safe to say I have been in someone’s prayers lately. I know numerous people I pray for, and people that say they’re praying for me. We take the power of prayer for granted too often. As said before, it isn’t making wishes. It’s speaking to your Creator. When we come before God in prayer we stand on top of all difficulties of this world because we are face-to-face with the one who holds the world in his hands.

By now you may be wondering about the title of this post: Best.

I once had one best friend, but things blew up and I had to cut this person out of my life to recover myself. Did you know it’s possible to loose who you are when you start to live your life around someone else? It is. And it happened to me. When you stop being yourself you tend to become a very unattractive person.

Now, three years later, I’ve opened myself up to take on two new “best” friends. I find I still keep them at a distance. A far distance in fact. Perhaps I am too wary of what happened in my past. The past is a reminder, but we aren’t supposed to dwell there. However, I don’t believe in making a mistake more than once… so I keep them at a distance for both my sake and theirs.

Do I sound too dramatic?

Human beings will let us down. Always, always, always. We aren’t made to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. We can share stories, unload our troubled on a listening ear, and then work together to get them fixed, but if the one with the problems doesn’t want it fixed you have to wash your hands of it and let them be.

Freewill causes this. But don’t worry, it’s a growing process for them and for you. God will build your strength and, if your friend must crash, trust God will rebuild them as well.

 

Romans 8:28 King James Version (KJV)

28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

 

So you see, we shouldn’t be paranoid about what will happen. It’s out of our control no matter what we think. For some people this is a painful thought. For other’s it is peaceful to hear. Three years ago those words killed me. Now I feel at ease knowing I don’t need to struggle with my fears—and let me tell you, my fears are many.

I don’t lie when I say my truest Best Friend is Jesus Christ. I trust Him when I can’t trust anyone else. He is the one that’s always there for me. He’s helped me through everything and even brought people to hold my hand through the darkest times. These people often left later, but their job was done, and I thank them for.

To tell you the truth, the hardest thing for me right now is trusting my Best Friend, with my two other best friends…

They may never know how much they both mean to me. Why do I buy them things? Why do I smile at them? Why do I hunt them down when I feel sad? Because at the right times they both bring me a feeling similar to the peace I get when God is moving around me. When I stand by them quietly I’m just glad that they’re there. I want to let them know what that happiness is like, so I try to spoil them, but I’m never sure if I’m accomplishing that or not.

So I pray for them. I pray for them a lot. I pray that they feel the same sensation of peace I spoke about a little bit ago. I pray that their families are blessed. I pray that they find true happiness. I pray for their salvation.

Above anything else, I want them both to be in Heaven with me one day.

If we talk about Christmas wishes then that would be mine—For Christmas I want assurance that they will both be in heaven with me and my family and all the others that I love. Oh… what a good dream that is…

This world is temporary.

I’d rather lose them on Earth and have them with me for eternity in Heaven and than to have them on Earth for a short time and then never see them again…

That though—that fear—keeps me up at night sometimes. It takes a while for me to remember that it’s out of my hands and I need to trust my Best Friend with them.

Have I been ranting for too long? I am rather tired. It’s been a long day and I’m missing my friends a little, thus my rant about them. I’ll need to finish this up and then head to bed. As I said before, it’s snowing and I’m mellowed out, but now it’s turned into sleepiness.

I hope I gave you something to think about. Post questions or comments below if you want me to touch on any subject here again. I’m more than willing to make another post about any of what I’ve mentioned above, (unless it’s about the pizza. I don’t think I’ll write a pizza post… yet). I covered a lot of topics by accident. Happens when I’m tired.

Whoops…

Well, good night everyone, (or good day, or good morning, or whatever for whenever you’re reading this).

God bless! And be safe out in the snow, (unless you have no snow of course).

E.L.M.

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