Alone and Awesome

Being single, silly, and secure

Chat – Martial Arts

Greetings, all my peoples of interesting backgrounds!

(Which is all of you, yes. Don’t doubt that).

Today is Sunday and I am, clearly, making up for the lack of blogging in the past months. I did some looking and found I HAVE NOT POSTED SINCE MARCH BEFORE MY LAST POST!!! Madness. I am sorry for my absence. I’m a terrible blogger. *covers head in ashes to mourn*

Well, now that I’m back, let’s chat! I’ve been not-so alone lately. Living with my sister to be closer to my real home, (aka, my Shinsei Hapkido dojo!). I am humbled and excited by the fact I have been named second-in-command and bestowed the name of Sempai, (head student/senior student). Since I am not yet a black belt, and not even the highest ranking karateka, I am overwhelmed and grateful for this honor. However, it is crazy how much I find I DO NOT KNOW.

Now, in martial arts we know there is no actual finish line. We can never reach perfection, we can never learn everything, but that means we are given an unlimited range of possibilities. Even when you think you’ve reached your personal height of skill, you find you can go even harder and learn even more. However, I find I am in a place where I, more or less, need to relearn how to be a student. Yes, I’m learning how to be a teacher, but the thing is I am forgetting to be the student along the way.

13415522_1870507889843416_4974423037984596015_o (1)[Picture above, “Mind Like Water,” was drawn by me]

I will always be a student, so my forgetfulness to act as a student in class is, to me, upsetting. When I forget to answer, “Yes, Sensei,” or “No, Sensei,” I am being a bad example. The fact that I am a higher rank does, in general, already mean I am an example, but I feel like I need to try to be even more respectful and aware of things given the position I have been granted. Maybe I do, maybe I don’t; this is just the way I feel.

I’m worried I’m going to blow it out of the water. I am expected to learn, to grow, to teach, and to be there when I’m needed. Everything else, (i.e., being an example, showing how to preform techniques properly, showing grace in defeat and victory, etc.), are things all higher ranks should show. In fact, there are hardly a single difference between being a red belt and being Sempai. Both require the same discipline; I’m just the one who steps in when the head instructor is absent and am given instructions and how to teach all types of students.

Maybe I’m just nervous. I want to do well and make all my Sensei’s proud. I am learning a lot and enjoying the beginner classes, which I teach with the head instructor. I can’t lie, I’m in a very enjoyable stage of life. But I always hold to the fact that nothing lasts forever. I may not always be in the dojo I am at. I may not always be in the church I attend. I may not always write. I may not always practice martial arts, (though the last two are exceptionally not likely to cease).

Life come from all angles. I’m semi-alone now, but still awesome. I’m moving forward, even though I feel like I’m falling behind. I’m learning, even though I wonder how much I’m forgetting. I’m worried, but all the while calmed because I am not the one in control of my life. God has permitted everything to happen to me and to come to me, exactly how it has, because His plan required it to be so. Hard times, good times, and frightening times as well.

I will never forget that Jesus Christ came into this world as a man, lived a perfect life, died a terrible death, and took away the sin of the world so that no one should perish, but so all will come to repentance and have eternal life. Because of this, I will learn, I will grow, and I will follow the path God lays before me. I will stray at times, and at other times I will be afraid, but I don’t walk alone. Everything will be okay in the end…

Well, that’s my rant for the day.

Love yourself; love God; and then love others. Everything else will fall into place.

Have a good week!




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