Alone and Awesome

Being single, silly, and secure

Dating your Invisible Friend

Hello, my peoples!

Yes, I have been absent for a few months; thanks for noticing. I’ll explain why, but I don’t want to, but I suppose I should.

You see, life has been a crazy mess of tangled webs, writing in books, people leaving, me replacing them, and other mishaps that have dragged me around this chessboard we call “Life.” I have had no time to sit down and write a post, but I have been thinking about it for a long time. This post, in particular, I wanted to write for a while now. It is something I’ve always thought about, but never put into words.

Until now.

You see, I am one with an active imagination. I use this in writing, and art, and conversation, but it is also reflected in how I process things and what I think. When someone tells me something, my mind can take their words and cross the universe to come up with another topic entirely and somehow tie it back to what the person said.

Sound like you?

Well, maybe you can relate to my problem.

You see, I’ve only had one boyfriend in my life, (as noted before it was a waste of time and not something I much talk about). At that time I did not have this problem. I had no interest in the relation ship and blew it up, (rather messy business), and since then I’ve had new issues set between me and finding the love of my life.

Mainly I hate men. And the hatred keeps getting worse as I watch the world and the way men around me treat women. There are nice men, and for sure they are NOT all the same, and a few, (or… well, one actually), are/is a good friend(s). But I cannot get myself to, in person, lower my guard.

In the safety of my mind life is different. I can lower my guard easily there. I have control and so I don’t worry, and I can freely flirt in my imaginary world. Anyone else relate?

Well, here is another thing I’m sure some of us do.

We have a conversation with a guy friend, (this is in perspective of woman readers. To the men, you’re talking to a girl; don’t get freaked out!), and it’s a nice conversation and it ends and we go our separate ways. Now,  woman, is somewhat interested in man; finds him cute or funny or something, and so she relives the conversation and changes it in tiny spots to make it appear more romantic.

Say what? People who DON’T do this are probably wondering, “What the heck is this psycho woman talking about?!”

Well, myself actually. If you can relate then that’s just cool. Go get lemonade and then come back and learn about the mind of someone else.

But so we recreated the conversation. Woman makes herself more clever and makes Man more charming. She relives conversation and hopes to talk to Man again soon. However, when next they meet, Man is still himself and Woman ignores it and chats with him as usual. Man does not notice, (nor probably care), that Woman is trying to be flirty, but failing because she is too defensive and does not want to lower her guard. After conversation Woman goes away again and recreates it to how the chat would have gone if she was able to lower her guard a tiny bit and actually be a flirt. And so, bit by bit, she has taken Man and recreated him, and herself, into people they are not.

Have I lost you?

Do any one of you ALSO do this? I’ll tell you now I’m trying to beat this, because I see it as one of the greatest problems I have/had. I’m not at all as bad as I used to be. I don’t take real conversations and turn them fake, (unless there was something I wished I had said but didn’t, and still I need to quit doing this). But we all live in out minds, and a few of us let our minds wander too often.

Now, here’s the problem. Say Woman actually gets up the courage to ask out Man, or visa-versa. So now, Man and Woman are dating, but things aren’t going well. Woman wonders why man isn’t as charming as before. Man wonders why Woman is always on defense and keeps telling him what to do. They fight, break up, get back together, then fight some more. Finally neither can take it.

They break up for good, and then wonder what went wrong…

Can you see what I’m trying to explain? It’s hard to put into words. We let out minds take someone we know and turn them into something they’re not. We might love them, but some of the love is based on what we turned the other person into.

A lot of us don’t fall in love with someone for who they are in the first place. Women are always looking at the handsome guys, and men watch for babes. But no one wants to take time to sit down with a normal, almost plain, individual, have conversation, get to know one another, and let one another be themselves are and love who they are.

Outward appearances fade. Why would you marry a trophy spouse knowing that whatever beauty they have at that moment will disappear in a few years? You should love who you marry, not what you marry.

Once again, I’m not saying everyone does this. I, for one, am trying to stop it and it is working out well with the help of God my Savior. But I wanted to post about it anyway. Some people don’t know they can control their minds. They let their fantasies wander and them reality kicks them in the face and it confuses them.

When we date our “Invisible Friend” we are sure to be hurt. The man/woman in our head that we are with could be different than the actual person if we’re not careful. There is nothing I hate more than seeing couples in meaningless fights over stupid things. If you only love how they look, or what they can do, or how much they make, then your Invisible Friend may be well off, but your real partner will suffer for it.

I hope this made sense. I’ve been pondering how to write about it for a long time… Since my last post, actually. It’s been that long.

Questions or comments, please leave them below. I didn’t touch on everything, so if there is something you want me to talk about in the next post, or just a question in general, please comment.

Have a good day, and love the one you’re with.

Whoever they are, I know for a fact you are lucky to have them, and they are lucky to have you.




  1. If you keep the entire relationship in your head, then it’s ok to date the invisible friend. That is simply,research and plot building for your next novel.

    Moving into real life, my only advice would be – be yourself. Don’t worry about finding a date. Truth is, all relationships take work. The trick is finding the one worth working for. And when the time is right, that person will appear. I’ve seen it happen many times. Sometimes, it takes a really long time.

    In the meantime, you’ll be living a great life, enjoying who you are and writing fabulous novels.


    • No argument here.

      Personally, I use all imaginary scenarios as writing material. Haha!


  2. Danielle Whittaker

    I know exactly what you mean! I find that avoiding expectations and trying to not force my perspective onto the situation (just with friends, not in dating, haven’t done that in a while!) leaves me far more open to be pleasantly surprised by people. I sometimes find myself liking something about somebody that I didn’t think I’d like! The key is to be open. (not necessarily vulnerable- open mind guarded heart). But I think it’s great that you have self awareness about this- it’s humble and an essential step towards improving!

    Finally I want to say that I read your blog from time to time and sometimes I think that you believe yourself to be somewhat insane, just from the way you present your stuff. Not at all! I think you are perfectly normal, just more honest and with healthy self-awareness. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for this comment. 🙂 I’m glad you agree.
      Also, thank you for saying I’m not insane. That’s always a relief to hear lol.


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