Alone and Awesome

Being single, silly, and secure

Lose my Soul…

Greetings and salutations, my peoples!

Whew… I have been insanely busy these past weeks. I moved out of my old apartment, (Whoohoo! Upgrade!), and I also bought a new car, (Whoohoo!!! Another upgrade!). Along with all this are the duties of being secretary of High Reaches, working my full-time job, all the while pushing to fix the cover for my second book, (which is supposed to come out in May), and learn more about running my own company.


Kind of busy.

Even when I have free time I feel like my heart is racing and I cannot stop thinking over every single little thing that I could do to move forward and everything that could be a potential setback. Along with all those musings I wonder about other not-so-important things in my life, (i.e., surviving life, trying to eat right, learning more about things I am interested in, and attempting to work myself into being self-sufficient). Yes, there is quite a lot of madness swirling inside me. So much so it is not only a troubled mind I deal with. I have physical fatigue from all the stress I’ve been putting myself through.

Yes, I have posted plenty of times before about how we shouldn’t worry. Yes, I know I am being rather hypocritical, but I can admit it to you without shame. There is plenty I could tell you without shame.

Why is that?

Because each of us are failures. Who reading this can say they haven’t gone back on a promise? Or didn’t practice what they preach? “Do good to others,” “Eat healthy,” and, “Don’t do this or that because it will make you unhappy,” tend to vanish sometimes, right? Our own morals bend in the weight of the world and all its problems. We feel squashed and in those moments we forget our integrity.

No, it isn’t our integrity we forget.

It is our foundation.

These past weeks I can’t focus in church. I haven’t spent time with God like I should. I haven’t sat with my Bible and listened to God speak to me. Even though I still see His blessings around me I don’t take a single moment to thank Him.

I feel like a failure.

How could forgiveness wait for a sinner like me?

Well, that’s simple. Or, perhaps it is terribly complicated?

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. – John 3:16

Most Christians know this verse by heart. God gave His son to live a perfect life, die a terrible death, and take on the sin of the world.

The. World.

Not a few sins. Not all sins, except murder and rape.

All sin was set upon our savior and it was so ugly to God the father that He who never takes His eyes off this Earth had to look away from His son. And for that, do you still think you can lose your salvation?

We are born as Sin. It is in our nature. But when we accept God it is wiped away. We’re washed clean in Jesus’ blood. God isn’t going to wipe that off. Jesus is standing there interceding for his children, us, the people he died for. I don’t know about you, but I feel utterly unworthy of such a thing.

Now, look at John 3:16-18 this time.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. 18 Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. – John 3:16-18

Wait… what was that at the end? That part about how if we believe in Him we will not be condemned.

Well, I think it is peace.

I feel like this verse is the perfect summary of our salvation. We were condemned, but then Jesus gave us a second chance; a chance to accept His free gift of eternal life. We are sin, and we sin, but when we accept Jesus and what he has done and believe in him our sin is washed away. Even when I fail, God the Father looks at me and sees the blood of His son purifying me. Not only that, but when I fall short, (which is always), Jesus is right there beside God the Father interceding for me and clearing away my mess.

This doesn’t mean I won’t be punished. A loving father punishes his child so that he does not stray from the Way. God punishes us so that we realize, “Oh, I guess I shouldn’t do that.” So yes, we will account for our crimes. We will be judged. But we who know Jesus know the greatest lawyer that ever lived and he has already decided to take up our case and fight for us.

I trailed off topic…

You know, I think I’m happy I did.

Everyone believes something different. I just can’t stand one thing…

People who think they can lose their salvation.

Peter denied ever knowing Jesus. He denied him 3 times! But there was still forgiveness for him. Don’t go and say, “That’s because Jesus rose from the dead to forgive him in person.”


Hey! Jesus did that for you too!

If you believe in him then Jesus is always by your side also. You can’t see him, but you are filled with the Holy Spirit and directly connected to Jesus. So, what makes you any different? Did Peter lose his salvation? Or was he forgiven? Jesus knew what he was going to do all along, but still forgave him for it.

He knows what you will do also.

Not only that, but he knows what you’ve done.

So how can people say they’ll lose their salvation? The only way you lose it is by never accepting the free gift God has offered us.


I am writing about this because I have a friend who believes certain types of people will burn in hell for the way they live. We as humans cannot judge. I have committed plenty of sin. A lot more than I even dare explain! Am I going to go to hell for what I’ve done? I have done awful things. Will Jesus reject me? Am I going to Hell?


How stressful is life when you think you will lose your salvation? Are we supposed to become perfect? We cannot. “For all have fallen short of the glory of God.” How can you cut out one type of person and condemn them to hell? How can you say you are greater and able to go to Heaven while they are going to burn. If you lie to one person it is no different than if you shoot one. It all matters on where your heart is…

21 “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’* is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell. – Matt. 5:21-22

A person may think their own ways are right, but the LORD weighs the heart. – Prov. 21:2

All a person’s ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the LORD. – Prov. 16:2

Above are verses I think of when this topic comes up. The thing is, we have a loving Savior. A man who died for this world when we deserve to burn in the flames of hell. Yet, he doesn’t want that.

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. – 2 Peter 3:9

I want this too… no matter how terrible the person is. I can step away and not see the sin, but the hurting human beneath the shadows. This person could fall beyond reach if no one offers a hand. I may not be the person God has planned to hold out my hand, but I know there are a few in my life who I have reached out to, but I am still scared. What if I cause them to stumble…? What if I frighten them away from God?

I guess that is my own fault. I clearly do not trust God and His overwhelming power. There are days I could walk off a boat into the ocean and trust God will carry me, but then there are days when I’m too frightened to go to the store to buy milk. None of this makes sense, but that’s how it is.

I guess what I really want to say with all this is that God is good. With Easter coming up I think it is a valuable point to make. God came to us in the flesh of man, lived a blameless life, suffered in our place, and died covered with the sins of billions and billions of generations of gazillions of people. That’s a disgusting amount of sin… Why would God do something like that for us? The only answer is that He loves us, His children, with a relentless love. A love we humans can hardly understand…

Why do we not hold out our hands to the lost? Why don’t we show them that there is a free pass into eternal life? A life with no more tears. No more pain. I want to be a light…

That’s really all I want anymore…

What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? – Mark 8:36

E. L. M.

*’Raca’ means: vain, empty, worthless, only found in Matthew 5:22 . The Jews used it as a word of contempt. It is derived from a root meaning “to spit.”


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