Alone and Awesome

Being single, silly, and secure

Thoughts of the Introvert

Greetings, my peoples!

It is another lovely day. And what do introverts do on lovely days?

We sit inside eating mashed sweet potatoes. We avoid taking a walk because we know the sidewalks will be crawling with other people. And we don’t want to deal with THAT now do we? We shall wait until the heat of a blazing summer afternoon so we will be roasting while others sit inside with their AC. Yes! Perfect! The streets are all mine when summer is blazing hot. Sun burn will come, but at least I will be able to walk in peace!

I’m currently waiting to do laundry. In the basement of my apartment is a tiny laundromat, but there is only one washer and drier. Thus, when someone decides to do two loads of laundry at one time it takes about three hours for the washer to open and three and a half for both to be open. Within that time someone else may come down to do laundry, but I am an introvert and dislike meeting new people in dark basements so I hover like a stalker at the top of the staircase listening for any sound of movement.

-Me: I can hear the drier is still rolling, which means the person doing laundry is still aware that their presence will be needed in the basement. If the washer is unoccupied, and I put in a load of clothes, then I risk the chance of going down to take out my wash when they are down their removing their drying and we will stumble upon each other in an awkward moment and have to converse with awkward small talk or stand in an awkward silence until the one with the drying leaves or, if they dare to fold their laundry in the basement, it will be until I leave and if that is the case they will know where I store my laundry detergent and softener sheets and how much detergent I put in and what kind of detergent I use and what color my clothes are and how much laundry I stuff into the washer and they will be judging me because I’m awkward and quiet and wearing a weird expression the whole time because that’s just what I do when I’m uncomfortable- GAH! forget my laundry! I’m going to take a nap!

Pretty much, right?

Pretty much…

So instead of doing laundry I’m writing a blog post. I confess I pause from time to time to listen to the basement. I can hear the person walking around down there. Opening and shutting the drier and washer doors. I am waiting for the stillness, but I know if I do not act soon another will come and claim the washer and I will be left here for another two hours waiting to do my much needed laundry.

Now let’s be serious, I don’t have it all together. No one does. I commonly do my laundry early Sunday morning because no one is awake on my side of the complex at 6:00am. All is still and I do my laundry in peace. However, today I was troubled when I woke up. I was staring at the ceiling wondering why the day felt strange.

I am not accustomed to the ways God speaks to me, (to clarify to any newcomers, the God I speak of is the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. The Beginning and the End. Alpha and Omega. Jesus Christ, the Holy Lamb. The Perfect Sacrifice. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Yeah… I believe I’ve made my point).

When I wake up and the day feels off I cannot find any way to repair the balance. It is as if I am walking around and God is gently prodding my consciousness to one side so that I am in a strange state of dizziness despite being perfectly stable. All through church I felt this sensation and tiny strange things kept happening. Things out of the normal. I am beginning to wonder if when I feel this “off” sensation it is God warning me to be extra vigilant. Commonly when I feel this way the strange things that happen are things that could potentially harm me or someone around me. No harm is done, but there is a sensation that all is not right. That I’m not where I should be. Or that my focus is not on what it needs to be.

It’s like when you wake up and you think you’re awake, but you’re bumping into tables and simple things are slightly harder than they normally are. So you go back to bed, wake up ten minutes later, and feel fully refreshed.

That’s kind of how it feels.

I am sure I’m not the only one who has sensations like these. If anyone cares to comment I would like to hear what your thoughts are on those days when you feel like something is “off.” What do you think it is? Are you just tired? Or do you think something else is happening?

Something peculiar did happen while I was at church. I am praying hard about it, but still I am occupied by my worries. Worries for my truck. Worries for my taxes. Worries for my publishing company. Worries for everything.

Why do I worry? In one of my posts before I remember writing about how we should not worry. And here again I recall another verse; “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6-7

I am in a difficult season of life, but that doesn’t mean I need to worry. I have a big God who cares about the little things. And that’s all these are. Little problems that will not last much longer. There is nothing God cannot handle. I shouldn’t worry. In fact, when I’m done here I’m going to do my laundry and then curl up with my Bible and give my worries to God where they can be dealt with in their proper time.

I will confess I am happy I created this blog. “Alone and Awesome” is where I can be real with you. Where I can safely tell the truth about things that happen to me and what I think on matters. I hope that those of you who feel compelled to write a comment feel the same way. Be honest. I can’t say this is a safe place so don’t go saying anything you don’t want the world to know, but if you agree or disagree with me on anything go ahead and speak up. I might be an introvert, but I’m okay hearing from strangers when I am not forced to be around them.

I hope you have all had/are having a wonderful weekend. The warm weather was nice and we are not too far from spring.

Let us not worry about tomorrow, for today has enough troubles of its own.

Now, it is time to set aside my mashed sweet potatoes and see if I can finally do my laundry! I don’t want to go to bed later than 8:00 tonight… *sigh*

Have a good day, everyone! Hope to see you next time.

E. L.

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